Rara Avis

There's not much fine than a poem by Billy Collins, except possibly an anthology of poems edited by Billy Collins-- or, even better,  one edited by Collins, illustrated by David Allen Sibley,  and including a poem by L.A.'s finest, Brendan Constantine. Here is Constantine's poem, "Rara Avis" (Rare Bird in Latin), which, like many of his poems, reach funny bones I didn't know I had. 

When interviewed, the bird watchers were tight- 

lipped. One actually got up and left. 

When interviewed, the bird watchers gave

quick, birdlike answers. We had to ask many

of our questions twice. 

When interviewed, the bird watchers wore hoods. 

When interviewed, the bird watchers had this  

to say,    We are not more boring than scientists

or stonemasons. Or we could be. 

When interviewed, the bird watchers ate crow. 

When interviewed, the bird watchers refused

to discuss themselves, preferring to debate

recent observations of the Dope Warbler, 

the Spoon Tailed Ninny, the Royal Bavarian

Snack Rail, whether any would survive

another New Hampshire winter. 

When interviewed, the bird watchers sucked eggs. 

When interviewed, the bird watchers placed

blame squarely on the coal industry. 

When interviewed, the bird watchers turned

on each other. It was ugly, like a stoning. 

When interviewed, the bird watchers began

to undress, slowly, as if half asleep. 

When interviewed, the bird watchers freaked; 

one threw handfuls of dirt at the cameras, 

another wept uncontrollably.

When interviewed, the bird watchers were small. 

When interviewed, the bird watchers blushed

like startled lovers, like priests and nuns. 

When interviewed, the bird watchers varied

in their appraisal of the year's display. One

called it bounteous, rich.  But another seemed

confused, described the birds as cumulous,  

the weather as sinusoidal. 

When interviewed, the bird watchers appeared

to be holding back, hiding something. 

When interviewed, the bird watchers agreed

to be interviewed again. 

The birds could not be reached for comment. 

"Rara Avis," by Brendan Constantine in Bright Wings: An Illustrated Anthology of Poems About BIrds, edited by BIlly Collins with paintings by David Allen Sibley (Columbia University Press, 2010)